hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
