why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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