she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
