dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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