Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
