Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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