It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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