The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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