Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
