where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
