Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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