There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
