can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This is my gift to your gina
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
