I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
