Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
your like the ambassador to my penis.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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