Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
