Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
