Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Welp...herpes.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think I sprained my soul last night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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