I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
