census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
