ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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