I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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