Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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