My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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