Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
