Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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