And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
