I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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