He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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