Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
