I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
