In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And then he peed in my hair
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
