At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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