I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
