drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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