Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
