Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
