I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
