I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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