OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
