So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
