your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
