Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
