He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
