Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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