Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
