I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
