I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
