I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
