.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
